I've barely done any uni work over the summer so far, and it's getting me down a bit now just because I can't find the motivation to do it and it's so frustrating. I actually have so much spare time to do it, but it just never happens and I waste my free days doing nothing.
I've also been feeling quite lonely, because I have actually been spending a lot of time on my own even though I'm back home - I feel like no one really wants to hang around with me, so I never really want to ask? Anyway, these things (plus more, but don't wanna go too deep) have been getting me down, so I just wanted to express them on here before i burst from keeping them to myself. Now I just wanna remember what makes me happy (which are in no order btw):
Animals
I know it sounds sad, but you can always rely on a funny video of a cat to cheer you up; probably the only reason I like facebook, is because my news feed is full of silly animal videos which i find rate funny and they proper make my day. plus it's just nice to see things like this, because facebook the majority of the time is morbid and just awful. Obviously though the best animals in my life are my dogs. I don't care if i always talk about them, post too many photos of them or send too many snapchats of them; they are my pets and I love them and they make me happy, so why would i want to hide them? They do my head in and can be annoyingly clingy, but they make me laugh so much and will always be there for a cuddle (Eddy will anyway). If i'm ever in a bad mood, i don't have to talk to them and they don't know I'm being morbid, so they'll happily keep me company; they just give constant love and i know i sound like a saddo, but life would be so miserable without dogs. Plus i'm sure it's been proven that dogs help relieve stress and just generally make you happier anyway?!?!
Ma boyf
I know i'm gonna sound proper cringey, but i really could not imagine life without him and i don't know what i'd have done without him over this past year whilst i've been at uni. We go on so many fun days out which i love, because i've never really done that; I've pretty much always been a proper hermit. And even when we don't do anything, I just love his company. He generally makes me a lot happier, but i always feel like i'm pushing him away with my low moods; I need to show him more that i'm grateful for having him in my life, because i appreciate his general existence and would honestly be lost otherwise. Plus he always make me cups of tea which is a bonus xxxxxx
Food and Exercise
I have a weird relationship with food; i love it, like there's always something food related on my mind but it can be bad and good. I'm always dying for a dominos and some chocolate, but i feel so much regret after eating it that it actually upsets me. When i first started uni i was binging a lot on chocolate and biscuits, which was basically comfort food but i hated myself for it. I kinda got control of my eating again and cut out chocolate a lot and just ate healthy; i can't wait to go back to this, because living at home i just eat pure junk and it don't feel any good for it. the whole time at uni i never had a ready meal (bar an oven pizza), but since i've been back home it's the majority of my diet now; I would love to buy my own food and do my own tea, but even though I have a job i can't really afford to do that. I obviously appreciate my mum getting me food and cooking, but this just gets me more excited to go back to uni and be independent again.
Exercise has been such a help to me, as it makes me feel better physically and mentally. If I'm ever in a real bad mood and I go to the gym, I come out feeling relieved and happy - it completely changes the way i feel and cheers me up so much. I also just feel good within myself, even though most of the time I don't feel like i look any different from exercise, but it does make me feel healthier - I'd feel so groggy and gross without exercise. Plus when i'm at the gym at uni, it gives me a chance to watch netflix on the wifi :))))) It also just gets me out the house; when I'm in the house all day, i feel isolated and start overthinking everything, so going to the gym prevents this.
Art
I want art and design to be my career, because any other job i land in would eventually make my life a misery. I've learnt so much at uni, and im so excited for second and third year so i can learn more new things and discover new things about myself, and see myself develop as a designer. It's such a good feeling knowing that this is something i will carry on doing for the rest of my life, whether it be earning money or just a hobby. Because i enjoy it so much I'm just so sad at the moment that i can't find the motivation to do anything, i'm really at a mind block right now where i feel everything i'm doing is rubbish, but i'm hoping this will pass soon. I need to embrace this nice weather and go do some drawing outside - especially because my concept theme is nature and architecture!?I'm determined to do some art work sometime this week - I have friday off work so I'm going to dedicate that day to tidying my room and doing uni work! I genuinely feel better after writing this, if anyone actually read this then thankyou for not getting bored of my rambling half way through and giving up ps shoutout to my wonderful friends and family who are there for me no matter what xxxxxxxxx