This is a pretty lengthy, wordy post so I won't blame you if you start reading and get bored. I'm writing this as I'm sat rotting away in bed, like I have been doing for the past few days - I just feel really fed up at the moment, and I wanted to write a post to try and remember the things that make me happy and hopefully come away feeling a bit better. I've been thinking so negatively about everything and feeling really unconfident within myself recently. I'm so not happy with my weight or the way I look right now; I feel like I've put a ton of weight and no matter how much I go to the gym, it never seems to do anything. It's the dream to not have to wear make up, I hate taking my make up off at night and waking up in the morning to be horrified by what I see in the mirror. Worst thing is, I only wear eyeshadow and mascara but it makes such a huge difference!? I've braved going to uni once without makeup and going home on the train without makeup, but then I got back and saw my flippin face, so I'll never be doing that again. I don't even like being around my boyfriend, friends or family without makeup on, which makes me sad because I shouldn't feel self conscious about myself around them but I can't help it. I feel so self conscious in public, or even if I'm with a group of friends, and I constantly worry about how I look/being perceived.
 I've barely done any uni work over the summer so far, and it's getting me down a bit now just because I can't find the motivation to do it and it's so frustrating. I actually have so much spare time to do it, but it just never happens and I waste my free days doing nothing.
 I've also been feeling quite lonely, because I have actually been spending a lot of time on my own even though I'm back home - I feel like no one really wants to hang around with me, so I never really want to ask? Anyway, these things (plus more, but don't wanna go too deep) have been getting me down, so I just wanted to express them on here before i burst from keeping them to myself. Now I just wanna remember what makes me happy (which are in no order btw):

Animals
I know it sounds sad, but you can always rely on a funny video of a cat to cheer you up; probably the only reason I like facebook, is because my news feed is full of silly animal videos which i find rate funny and they proper make my day. plus it's just nice to see things like this, because facebook the majority of the time is morbid and just awful. Obviously though the best animals in my life are my dogs. I don't care if i always talk about them, post too many photos of them or send too many snapchats of them; they are my pets and I love them and they make me happy, so why would i want to hide them? They do my head in and can be annoyingly clingy, but they make me laugh so much and will always be there for a cuddle (Eddy will anyway). If i'm ever in a bad mood, i don't have to talk to them and they don't know I'm being morbid, so they'll happily keep me company; they just give constant love and i know i sound like a saddo, but life would be so miserable without dogs. Plus i'm sure it's been proven that dogs help relieve stress and just generally make you happier anyway?!?!

Ma boyf

I know i'm gonna sound proper cringey, but i really could not imagine life without him and i don't know what i'd have done without him over this past year whilst i've been at uni. We go on so many fun days out which i love, because i've never really done that; I've pretty much always been a proper hermit. And even when we don't do anything, I just love his company. He generally makes me a lot happier, but i always feel like i'm pushing him away with my low moods; I need to show him more that i'm grateful for having him in my life, because i appreciate his general existence and would honestly be lost otherwise. Plus he always make me cups of tea which is a bonus xxxxxx

Food and Exercise

I have a weird relationship with food; i love it, like there's always something food related on my mind but it can be bad and good. I'm always dying for a dominos and some chocolate, but i feel so much regret after eating it that it actually upsets me. When i first started uni i was binging a lot on chocolate and biscuits, which was basically comfort food but i hated myself for it. I kinda got control of my eating again and cut out chocolate a lot and just ate healthy; i can't wait to go back to this, because living at home i just eat pure junk and it don't feel any good for it. the whole time at uni i never had a ready meal (bar an oven pizza), but since i've been back home it's the majority of my diet now; I would love to buy my own food and do my own tea, but even though I have a job i can't really afford to do that. I obviously appreciate my mum getting me food and cooking, but this just gets me more excited to go back to uni and be independent again. 

Exercise has been such a help to me, as it makes me feel better physically and mentally. If I'm ever in a real bad mood and I go to the gym, I come out feeling relieved and happy - it completely changes the way i feel and cheers me up so much. I also just feel good within myself, even though most of the time I don't feel like i look any different from exercise, but it does make me feel healthier - I'd feel so groggy and gross without exercise. Plus when i'm at the gym at uni, it gives me a chance to watch netflix on the wifi :))))) It also just gets me out the house; when I'm in the house all day, i feel isolated and start overthinking everything, so going to the gym prevents this.

Art

I want art and design to be my career, because any other job i land in would eventually make my life a misery. I've learnt so much at uni, and im so excited for second and third year so i can learn more new things and discover new things about myself, and see myself develop as a designer. It's such a good feeling knowing that this is something i will carry on doing for the rest of my life, whether it be earning money or just a hobby. Because i enjoy it so much I'm just so sad at the moment that i can't find the motivation to do anything, i'm really at a mind block right now where i feel everything i'm doing is rubbish, but i'm hoping this will pass soon. I need to embrace this nice weather and go do some drawing outside - especially because my concept theme is nature and architecture!?

I'm determined to do some art work sometime this week - I have friday off work so I'm going to dedicate that day to tidying my room and doing uni work! I genuinely feel better after writing this, if anyone actually read this then thankyou for not getting bored of my rambling half way through and giving up ps shoutout to my wonderful friends and family who are there for me no matter what xxxxxxxxx

Heyooooooo

I've been wanting to make a blog for a while, just because I feel like it would be nice to have somewhere I can write about generic stuff without directly telling (and boring) anyone, where I'm not restricted to posting one photo on Instagram or limited characters on Twitter. I've also been pretty bored since finishing university for the summer, so it'll give me something to do in my spare time. It's taken me forever to flippin' design it, just because it took me ages to actually get to grips with Blogger. I just want to be able to talk about generic everyday life, but also include a lot of my art work.

Today feels like a good day to write about, just because I've been pretty happy; I went to the gym as soon as I woke up, which generally just made me feel better. The weather has been amazing and we sat outside to eat our tea which was nice; but most importantly I tried the new Salted Caramel Cheesecake Krispy Kreme (which was amazing & close to being my new favourite flavour) and me & Hannah treated ourselves to some Phish Food Ben & Jerry's. I really wanted to have a productive day today and I feel like I'm halfway there, after I've posted this I'm going to try and do some work to enter into the new Tigerprint competition. I haven't done any drawing whatsoever since I finished uni, so I'm excited to finally do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,!1!

Proper boring first post but I've been dying to post something for ages, so here ya go x